(AP) – Following the defections of key members of her campaign staff, GOP primary candidate Michele Bachmann fled Kings Landing and is reported to be living in the Vale of Arryn.
“Lady Bachmann belongs with the crones at Vaes Dothrak,” Drogo said. “She has earned no braids.”
“By November I will be vindicated and the people will see the bad man fly,” Bachmann said.
“Traitors and cowards have no place in our campaign,” Lannister, Lord of Casterly Rock, Shield of Lannisport and Warden of the West said. “If she has gone craven, she should not be leading our land while winter is coming.”
Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you, the 2012 Republican Presidential Candidates:
Michelle Bachmann:"Don’t misunderstand. I am not here bashing people who are homosexuals, who are lesbians, who are bisexual, who are transgender. We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders.” (2004)
Ron Paul:"The rate of AIDS infection is on the increase again. From the gay point of view, the reasons seem quite sensible. First, these men don't really see a reason to live past their fifties. They are not married, they have no children, and their lives are centered on new sexual partners... because sex is the center of their lives, they want it to be as pleasurable as possible, which means unprotected sex. Third, they enjoy the attention & pity that comes with being sick." (1995 in a newsletter)
Rick Perry:"I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. " (2011 in a campaign ad)
Mitt Romney:"I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed." (2011 while speaking to unemployed people in Florida. Romney's net worth is over $200 million.)
Newt Gingrich:"She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer." (1994, about his first wife)
Rick Santorum:"Is anyone saying same-sex couples can’t love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships marriage, too?" (2008)
Michelle Bachmann:"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." (2009 during a debate)
Mitt Romney:"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." (2006, when questioned about driving 12 hours with his dog in a cage strapped to the top of his car)
"I feel like young girls are told, you know, they're told this idea that they have to be this kind of, princess and be all delicate and fragile. It's... It's bullshit. You've gotta be identified much more of the idea of being a warrior and a fighter. If I was gonna be a princess, I'd be a warrior princess, definitely."